Defeated

 September 9, 2022

Hello world... tonight I am feeling defeated. Deep down I know this feeling will pass. Last weekend was Labor Day weekend so a holiday weekend. My children's father took them for the long weekend. I worked all weekend every single day and I worked 12 hours on Friday. Sunday evening, I was feeling much more accomplished. Monday morning, I went to work as well. I finished my filing and my case contacts. I felt great. Social work-foster care is so difficult. Monday, I worked 7:30 until about 1 pm I wrapped it up and felt so great. I went home and got my laundry and went to the laundry mat and did 2 loads of laundry. Picked up my boys and put them to bed. Tuesday morning got my kiddo's ready for school. Took Sebastian to school and Zaydin and I went to a doctor appointment. And that is where the emails started rolling in for work... and messages... and Zaydin is getting restless at the doctors. We finally wrapped it up and got out of there. Zaydin's school calls and I let them know we are on our way there. Emails continue to roll in and messages. I turn my work phone on silent because I am so overwhelmed at this point. All that work this past weekend only to be told I messed up basically is how I was feeling. I drop Zaydin off at school.  I call my supervisor and break down, mind you I have a new supervisor as of like 2 weeks ago. Which I needed really bad. Also I have been having computer issues all summer long so this has not helped me. My supervisor is supportive and tells me to take some time if needed. Anyway I am beyond overwhelmed at work just want to walk away but financially I cannot. On a postive note I was able to see 5 of my kiddos in the past 2 days. But I have so much to do, you get one thing done only to have 3 more added... My cases are a mess and I have 11 of my kids reports due at the end of the month and beginning of October the thought of it is to much. I was kicked out of a mothers home today during a parent visit with her kids and the therapist. I feel defeated, I am exhausted every single day. I am not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. Well tomorrow is a new day... Part of me wants to throw everything away in my apartment I can't keep up with the cleaning, the kids, work, bills everything.